by Rev Jeannie Soverns
I think I have always had a personal divine relationship since a little kid. Almost to the point where people might've thought I was weird like I would ask. God questions and waits for knocks on the radiator if it was a yes or a no, like when I was six and seven. So I've always felt that connection and wanted to do something with that connection. So as a sixth grader, I wanted to become a nun. As a teenager, I was in evangelical Christianity.
So I wanted to be a missionary. So I've had different bouts of wanting to do something and bring a message of hope to others. That's always been like a bubble. And then there's the other part, where I got involved in things that weren't the best for me. I drank a lot as a young adult. I always say I'm a member of the CIA, a Catholic Irish alcoholic. It's just who I was like a lot of people can identify their first drink. I cannot, When you had a cough in my house a shot of anisette cured it. So I pretended I had whooping cough for years, so there's not something that I could identify as a start, but I can tell you the end of it.
I was almost 30 and was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. And I had a four and a half year old. I had a husband who was in the Navy and who was actually in Australia at the time. And my life turned around. It was. Yeah, it was life changing. I didn't have, I didn't have a connection with a spiritual connection at that time period. It did have a support system. I was going to ask you that. I had my sister my best friend and some drinking buddies but I did have this group of women that, surrounded me. So here's what I can say is no matter where you are in your life, if you have a good solid support system, you can make it through anything. That's my belief. That's my belief because none of us were hooked into a divine, spirit. at that point that we knew of, when you don't feel hooked in, it's not like the divine moved.
You're the one that's closed off yourself. It did start my journey and I there was a, there was a lot I went through. I had double mastectomies. I had chemotherapy and radiation. I had high dose chemotherapy with a peripheral stem cell transplant. And it was there that I met my first sponsor. And there were 10 of us going through this treatment. And I will tell you this 27 years later, I'm the only one who made it past 10 years. And during that treatment. So my sponsor Mary, who I met at that time, said the F word and God in the same sentence. And I thought, I love this woman and she told me, get a God you could do business with. And when she said that to me, I realized God could be anything I needed God to be.
And that was life changing because I no longer felt alone. that God was this big white judge up in the sky condemning me to hell, as a good Catholic girl that I was. And at this time period, I really thought I was going to die, Laura. I was just there,, and I didn't want to live. So not only was the cancer treatment traumatic but who I was on the inside was dying. And I, I didn't want to live. I didn't want to continue. I didn't like who I was. And I had this visceral experience of the song, I don't know if you know the song, Freebird by Leonard Skinner. It's a nine minute song, and in grade school, they would play it as the last song. And I always had this, somebody I didn't want to dance with asked me to dance and I would dance to it. So I would concentrate on the song versus my dance partner.
And fast forward there's a phrase in the song that says, if I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me? And my thoughts went immediately to my four year old who were they going to tell her about her mother? When you first die, people say nice things, gotcha.
But after that, what are they going to say? Because I wasn't a great person and a lot of people didn't like me and it was dawning on me that this was my legacy now, that I was some alcoholic, drunk mom who could die of cancer. That felt so heavy and I didn't want to leave that for her. And so I did this thing called meditation, which I had never done. And I was just sitting there outside and asking whoever, what, where can I go from here? And I saw in my mind's eye, an eagle fly. And It was so real to me that it scared me and I jumped up and I started walking and I was looking down and as I was looking down, I saw this oil stain that kind of looks like a bird, and I'm like yeah, whatever. And I keep walking and then I see a giant, gum on the ground that also looks like feathers and a bird flying. And I'm like, whatever, and then I get a little bit further and a feather comes down and I'm like, okay, I get it. I get it. I'm free. I get it.
And I carried that feather for 10 years in my wallet.
And I got sober and I got a God I could do business with. And that led me to many different explorations like self realization, fellowship, Buddhism. I just explored, And in Alcoholics Anonymous in recovery, the whole thing is about having a God of your own understanding. So there's not a preachy thing going on and there's this community.
What I found was connection, community and hugs. Do you know we need eight hugs a day Laura? Reverend Dr. Janine Burns does Havening, and it's an amazing thing, but it is also about that sensory touch. Stroking your arms from shoulder to elbows, and rubbing your hands, this helps the body and that's why touch is so important and hugs are so important. And when we're on our own to give that to ourselves, because it's necessary to calm the nervous system. I'm a big fan of it because I can get a little high strung sometimes.
It's nice to have things that I'm big into as a coach. I am a mental fitness coach so I'd go for things that help people calm their bodies, calm their systems, calm the anxiety that wants to take over, and sit in their power. I love the name of your show, Women of Power, because we all have that power centre, that we can connect to and ground into and move from, but we forget. And even when I remember it's remembering how to yield, how to wield, how to be that power and to own it and not be so scared of it, and okay, I've got you and I'm not, in the right frame of mind or in that awareness of who I am to own it fully. I'm just getting better at it. Learning to really embrace I am God is scary and exhilarating and empowering and frightening and picking an emotion, it's a lot. And it's not always rainbows and butterflies in there. There's work to do I didn't really, I didn't know you were going to share as you have, and it's so powerful, your authenticity and that in its own, that by itself is an incredible Teaching for me for those that are viewing right now to own our stories to own where we've been to own it and not shame it and to realize that we needed to be there, for me, that was, really just the beginning of finding my way to finally into new thought.
It's nice to have things that I'm big into as a coach. I am a mental fitness coach so I'd go for things that help people calm their bodies, calm their systems, calm the anxiety that wants to take over, and sit in their power. I love the name of your show, Women of Power, because we all have that power centre, that we can connect to and ground into and move from, but we forget. And even when I remember it's remembering how to yield, how to wield, how to be that power and to own it and not be so scared of it, and okay, I've got you and I'm not, in the right frame of mind or in that awareness of who I am to own it fully. I'm just getting better at it. Learning to really embrace I am God is scary and exhilarating and empowering and frightening and picking an emotion, it's a lot. And it's not always rainbows and butterflies in there. There's work to do .....
What is the New Thought for your life now?
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